It's about damn fucking time.
It's been months since i seriously updated this thing, and that was months before reopening this blog.
Things that have happened since I reopened blog.
Smoking: I quit starting on Memorial Day (or was it labor day...). Yes, I am a horrible American and because one marks the beginning of summer, and the other marks the end of it, I just interchange the two as ignorantly as a hick would condemn me for being unamerican for doing such a thing. But back on topic, I quit smoking since that holiday in September. Since then I have smoked a total of about 16 cigarettes give or take 2. At one point I did buy a pack around October, but quickly gave it to my friend and shorted the cigarette i was smoking because the taste and coughing got to me quickly. So from starting smoking, I went from 1 pack every 2 to 3 days to an average of 0 total. Quit cold turkey, no support groups, and i generally yelled at people when they said "About time" or "Good for you" because I have the natural urge to rebute things people tell me i should do or keep up doing. I have an urge here and there, and will ask for one if people have them, but I generally just don't buy them. My laziness has prevailed.
Health: Even though I quit smoking, I'm still severely out of shape. Since about May 2008 i have gained about 40 pounds. I get tired quickly, and severely out of breath. Because of all this I end up sweating a storm if i over-exert myself, and that could just be simply walking my normal fast pace for 3 minutes and then stopping. All signs point to needing to start working out, but it's real hard to do when you have a gym in your apartment complex, but tend to lose all urge of doing anything once that cold air hits you... and i'm too comfortable (and sometimes uncomfortable with the heat) in my apartment to do anything. I also need to see a dentist, but that's a whole 'nother story.
Living situation: I'm still in the apartment me and Raven moved into. Raven is still in Miami. I'm still severely lonely, but that's couple situation and living and so forth. I'm going to renew the lease soon, and the plan is for raven to eventually move back (any time from june to october) so I have that to look forward to. A few friends of ours are moving into the complex as well, so that will be nice and refreshing and an escape from the eventual schizophrenia i may succumb to. I'm keeping the place as nice as i can, but again, laziness comes into play with some of it. I'd say i clean it thoroughly once every 3 weeks... and then there's the scattered papers everywhere. Shrug..
Mentality: My mentality is never good. I put my mind to overcoming initial reactions i trained myself to do, and it's helping me out a bit socially. Friends of mine and myself are all hanging out often in the past month or so. It's nice, refreshing, and fun. There's some ups and downs (...a few too many emotional frustration downs for my taste), but all in all it's enjoyable. And I think the more I'm hanging out with people, the more I'm realizing that most everyone just doesn't "get" me. It's really upsetting on that level, and with it coming from some people, i get awfully offended by it - since one of the things I'm trying to overcome is the assumption that my closest friends will have the same personal standards and respect I would give to them. Excuses can be made in certain situations, but when it comes down to it everyone is flawed, and it's really difficult to accept flaws in someone you hold their persona to a high degree.
And because of this I'm in a little rutt at the moment, as it seems I keep dwelling on this matter and previous instances that had me feeling like this... but generally I can't really do anything about it.
And in recent events, Raven comes in for Valentine's Weekend... I'm super excited and can't wait. :D Sigh.
Things that have happened since I reopened blog.
Smoking: I quit starting on Memorial Day (or was it labor day...). Yes, I am a horrible American and because one marks the beginning of summer, and the other marks the end of it, I just interchange the two as ignorantly as a hick would condemn me for being unamerican for doing such a thing. But back on topic, I quit smoking since that holiday in September. Since then I have smoked a total of about 16 cigarettes give or take 2. At one point I did buy a pack around October, but quickly gave it to my friend and shorted the cigarette i was smoking because the taste and coughing got to me quickly. So from starting smoking, I went from 1 pack every 2 to 3 days to an average of 0 total. Quit cold turkey, no support groups, and i generally yelled at people when they said "About time" or "Good for you" because I have the natural urge to rebute things people tell me i should do or keep up doing. I have an urge here and there, and will ask for one if people have them, but I generally just don't buy them. My laziness has prevailed.
Health: Even though I quit smoking, I'm still severely out of shape. Since about May 2008 i have gained about 40 pounds. I get tired quickly, and severely out of breath. Because of all this I end up sweating a storm if i over-exert myself, and that could just be simply walking my normal fast pace for 3 minutes and then stopping. All signs point to needing to start working out, but it's real hard to do when you have a gym in your apartment complex, but tend to lose all urge of doing anything once that cold air hits you... and i'm too comfortable (and sometimes uncomfortable with the heat) in my apartment to do anything. I also need to see a dentist, but that's a whole 'nother story.
Living situation: I'm still in the apartment me and Raven moved into. Raven is still in Miami. I'm still severely lonely, but that's couple situation and living and so forth. I'm going to renew the lease soon, and the plan is for raven to eventually move back (any time from june to october) so I have that to look forward to. A few friends of ours are moving into the complex as well, so that will be nice and refreshing and an escape from the eventual schizophrenia i may succumb to. I'm keeping the place as nice as i can, but again, laziness comes into play with some of it. I'd say i clean it thoroughly once every 3 weeks... and then there's the scattered papers everywhere. Shrug..
Mentality: My mentality is never good. I put my mind to overcoming initial reactions i trained myself to do, and it's helping me out a bit socially. Friends of mine and myself are all hanging out often in the past month or so. It's nice, refreshing, and fun. There's some ups and downs (...a few too many emotional frustration downs for my taste), but all in all it's enjoyable. And I think the more I'm hanging out with people, the more I'm realizing that most everyone just doesn't "get" me. It's really upsetting on that level, and with it coming from some people, i get awfully offended by it - since one of the things I'm trying to overcome is the assumption that my closest friends will have the same personal standards and respect I would give to them. Excuses can be made in certain situations, but when it comes down to it everyone is flawed, and it's really difficult to accept flaws in someone you hold their persona to a high degree.
And because of this I'm in a little rutt at the moment, as it seems I keep dwelling on this matter and previous instances that had me feeling like this... but generally I can't really do anything about it.
And in recent events, Raven comes in for Valentine's Weekend... I'm super excited and can't wait. :D Sigh.
posted by kw at 1:00 PM
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